I recently went through a season where I didn't realize how much I needed or appreciated good friendships. Growing up you may have heard your Mom or Dad say something like, “Go make a new friend.” or “Be a good friend.” Sound familiar?
Throughout the years, I have had many different types of friendships. God has brought friends in and out of my life. Sometimes friends were with me just for a season, but I know that all of them were necessary for my personal growth. I recently went through a difficult season in my life, but I had some good friends step up and be the hands and feet of Jesus.
Is it your desire to have a really good friend in your life, or better yet, be a really good friend?
If so, this blog is for you! Let’s look at some qualities of a good friend and what it means to be a good friend.
The first thing that comes to mind for me is that a good friend is KIND. If you’re a mom, you know the importance of kindness when child rearing is not going as smoothly as you would like it to be. Ephesians 4:32 tells us this, “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another as God in Christ forgave you”.
In his book Doing Life With Your Adult Children Keep Your Mouth Shut & The Welcome Mat Out, Jim Burns refers to his grandmother as an A-W-E person. ‘A’ is affectionate, ‘W’ is warm, ‘E’ is encouraging. A kind friend is an A-W-E person.
“Only as we drink down the kindness of the heart of Christ will we leave in our wake, everywhere we go, the aroma of heaven”, from the book Gentle and Lowly: The Heart of Christ for Sinners and Sufferers by Dane C. Ortlund.
A good friend is HONEST, AUTHENTIC, and VULNERABLE.
We live in a crazy and, sometimes, chaotic world. Social media is off the charts with all the different platforms it now has. Those platforms are being bombarded with all sorts of opinions - opinions that can be against you. Being your authentic self can be risky, not to mention a bit scary, but when we are authentic about our life and what we believe in, we are removing the mask and being true to ourselves and others. This is a good way to start building lasting relationships.
A good friend is HUMBLE and shows humility.
When we have a teachable heart it shows our humility because we are acknowledging that we do not know it all. We can learn from others and not resent the fact that someone else knows better. The dictionary defines humility as modesty, lacking pretense, not believing you are superior to others. Philippians 2:3-4 says, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the other”. We humble ourselves when we acknowledge that we are not perfect and we do indeed have character flaws.
The book of James tells us that we should confess our sins to each other (see James 5:16). Confessing, or acknowledging our sins, our faults, and our imperfections can be very therapeutic for us. That is another reason to seek out the blessing of a true friend.
Her are some things ChatGPT had to say about being humble:
Better Relationships ~ Humble people tend to be more empathetic and understanding, fostering stronger and more positive relationships.
Less Conflict or Drama ~ Humble people are less likely to engage in conflict or power struggles, promoting a more peaceful and cooperative environment
We know that God is full of grace and mercy. It is a gift that He lavishes on us because he loves us so much; and because he gives us those gifts, we too can give grace and mercy to our friends.
Psalm 145:8-9 says, “The LORD is gracious and full of compassion, slow to anger and great in mercy”.
2 John 1:3 tells us, “Grace, mercy, and peace will be with you from God the Father and fron the LORD Jesus Christ, the Son of the Father, in truth and love”.
Do you find it hard to give grace and mercy to your friends? Are you a forgiving friend? We ALL NEED grace and mercy ~ to receive it AND to give it. It is a strong foundation for a real friendship. God truly knows that, on our own, giving grace, mercy and forgiveness is not an easy thing to do. That is why in John 15:5 Jesus says, “Yes, I am the vine; you are the branches. Those who remain in me, and I in them, will produce much fruit. FOR APART FROM ME YOU CAN DO NOTHING”.
Colossians 3:13 tells us to “Make allowance for each other’s faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the LORD forgave you, SO YOU MUST FORGIVE OTHERS”.
An INITIATOR can be a good friend. Not everyone has an out-going, makes the first move by initiating themselves, kind of personality. As an initiator, you can seek out someone who is compatible with you and someone you would enjoy getting to know. Then, unafraid and unashamed, you strike up a conversation.
A good friend is a GOOD COMMUNICATOR.
A good friend will ask questions, thought-provoking and hard questions. He or she will not just talk about the things on the surface in your life, but will dig deep down and tackle the hard and uncomfortable issues with you. A good friend will make you think, really think about whatever is going on in your life. As a friend, inquiring about someone’s life is not meant to be invasive or intrusive. It is meant to show genuine care and concern for that person. A good friend will always speak the truth. Ephesians 4:15 says, “Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church”.
A good friend is a GOOD LISTENER.
Sometimes people just need someone to listen to them, not solve a problem, and not to hear advice - just listen. At times we need our feelings validated by an impartial person.
James 1:19 speaks to this. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry”. Be patient and don’t rush to speak. A good listener will allow the person to fully express themselves before they say a word.
Being that good friend will make a person feel safe in sharing their feelings. Sometimes a person just wants to vent about a difficult situation they’re going through and they need a friend who is safe and secure in their relationship.
Asking God what HE WANTS you, as a friend, to do in this situation:
Do You need me to fix this? Do You need me to offer advice? Do You need me to just listen?
We know that God gave us one mouth and two ears. Some people think that is because we are to listen twice as much as we are to speak. Sounds Good to me!
A good friend is CONFIDENT.
Being confident in your identity with Christ and your identity as a good friend will make your relationship strong. Ephesians 1 tells us about who we are. We are blessed. We are loved and chosen. We are adopted into the Kingdom of God, through Christ, who purchased our freedom with His blood. We are now united with Christ and have received an inheritance from God.
We are fearfully and wonderfully made (see Psalm 139:14). God has given us His Holy Spirit as a guarantee that He will give us the inheritance He promised (see Ephesians 1:13-14).
Philippians 1:6 says, “I am confident that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns”.
If we remember these promises - and there are many more - that God continues to give us, we will always have the confidence to be a good friend in all situations.
A good friend REJOICES.
A friend will rejoice and celebrate with those who rejoice. Romans 12:15 reads, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep”. Being a good friend means you are what your friend needs. If they need a shoulder to cry on or a cheerleader celebrating with them - you are it.
In Zephaniah 3:17 we see how God rejoices over us. “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing”.
What if you took inspiration from what God did for you and rejoice over your friends with singing? Doesn’t that sound beautiful? Wouldn’t you want a friend like that?
Seek out a friend who will rejoice with you, and be a friend who rejoices. With a true friend you can share victories and blessings without worrying about jealousy or resentment creeping
A good friend is a SPEAKER OF TRUTH.
Confronting a friend can be hard, and it can also be hard to be the recipient of a confrontation.
With the help of the Holy Spirit, we can be encouraged to speak the truth in love, and to do so without fear.
Psalm 15:2-3 says this, “He who walks blamelessly and does what is right and speaks truth in his heart”. Walking ‘blamelessly’ is walking with integrity. We can always be honest because we have the Word of God planted in our hearts. We should always seek what the Word says about each individual circumstance.
Galatians 5:22–23 says, “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Consider these qualities when confronting a friend. It has to come from a place of deep, unselfish love.
A good friend LOVES.
Love your friends well. This last one is a compilation of all the other qualities. This by far is the most important. In 1 Corinthians 13:13 Paul writes, “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three, but the greatest of these is love”. All the other gifts the Bible tells us about are meaningless without love. Paul is saying it does not matter what other gifts you possess or can do if you do not have love.
Mark 12: 30-31 says it so clearly. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no commandment greater than these”.
1 Peter 4:8 says, “Above all, love each other deeply because love covers over a multitude of sins”. Peter encourages people to have fervent love for one another, which forgives and overlooks sins. Love that covers sin is an attitude of the heart that seeks to deal with flaws and failures in a kind and quiet way. It’s an attitude that’s forgiving, gracious, and full of mercy.
God created us for community. We are not meant to do this life alone. Be a good friend and you will have good friends. Be kind, honest and vulnerable, humble, grace-filled, an initiator, a good communicator, a good listener, rejoice with your friends, be a speaker of truth, and be a person who loves.
Friends are blessings from God. Always strive to improve your friendship qualities.
Do they stand up to God’s standards? Maybe not, but we know where to go for all the answers.
I’ll end with this, Ecclesiastes 4:9~10
“Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor. For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow; but woe to him that is alone when he falls, and has not another to lift him up”.
Wishing you beautiful friendships and awesome encounters!
Author: Priscilla Campbell
Editor: Christine Platt
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